Helping Families Cope with Loss and Grief

By Katlyn Gotschall, MS, LCPC

September is a month of transition. The days grow shorter, the seasons shift, and routines settle back into place. For families who are grieving, these transitions can feel especially heavy. Change has a way of stirring up memories, reminders, and emotions connected to loss.

Loss is something every family will face at some point, yet most of us feel unprepared when grief enters our lives. Grief comes in many forms: the death of a loved one, the passing of a family pet, parents separating, or even moving away from friends and familiar places. However it arrives, grief touches both children and adults in deep and lasting ways.

This month’s article is about how families can move through grief together, how to support children during this time, and how parents can also care for their own hearts along the way.

Understanding Grief

Grief is the body and mind’s natural response to loss. It is not a problem to be fixed, but an experience to be felt. Grief often comes in waves, sometimes soft and sometimes overwhelming. For adults it may feel like sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion. For children it may show up as clinginess, sudden outbursts, or a quick shift from tears to play.

It is important to remember that grief has no timeline. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve, and each member of the family will experience it differently.

Talking with Children About Loss

One of the hardest parts of grief for parents is knowing how to talk with children. Many parents worry about saying the wrong thing, but silence often leaves children feeling confused and alone.

Children need clear and honest explanations. Using simple words like “died” is more helpful than phrases such as “went to sleep” or “passed away.” When we soften the language too much, children may misunderstand and even fear everyday experiences like sleeping or leaving home.

It is also helpful to invite questions. Children may ask the same thing many times as they process the reality of what has happened. Answer as patiently as you can, and let them know all their feelings are valid. Sometimes you may not have the answer, and that is okay. Saying “I don’t know, but I am here with you” is enough.

Supporting Children Through Rituals

Children often heal best when they are given tangible ways to express their grief. Rituals provide comfort, structure, and a way to remember the person or thing that has been lost. Families might choose to light a candle in memory of their loved one, plant a tree or flower as a living tribute, create a box of favorite photos or drawings, or read a special book together. Even small traditions, like telling stories about a loved one at dinner or drawing pictures together, can help children feel included in the grieving process.

How Grief Looks at Different Ages

Grief changes depending on a child’s age and understanding.

Very young children may not grasp that death is permanent, and they may repeatedly ask where the person is. School-age children often begin to understand finality, but they may also blame themselves or feel guilty for things that were never their fault. Teenagers may understand death on an intellectual level, but still struggle with the emotional impact. They may pull away from the family or feel pressured to be “strong.”

Knowing these age-related differences helps parents respond with more patience and compassion.

Caring for Yourself as a Parent

It is not easy to support your child’s grief while carrying your own. Many parents try to hide their feelings, believing it will protect their children. In reality, showing your child that you also cry, miss your loved one, or feel sad teaches them that grief is safe to feel. Children learn not just through what we say, but through what we model.

As you care for your children, remember to care for yourself as well. Reach out to supportive friends and family. Allow yourself time to rest, eat nourishing meals, and seek professional support if needed. Taking care of your own well-being is part of helping your children heal.

When to Seek More Help

Most grief softens over time, but sometimes it can become overwhelming. If you notice persistent sadness, withdrawal from activities, difficulty sleeping, or hopelessness in yourself or your child, it may be time to seek additional support from a counselor or therapist. Children who are struggling may also show ongoing behavior challenges or a sudden drop in school performance.

Grief can feel isolating, but it is not something you have to navigate alone. Professional support can provide tools and a safe space for both parents and children to process what they are experiencing.

A Final Word of Comfort

Grief is one of life’s hardest teachers, but it can also be a time of deep connection and love within families. Children do not need us to take away their pain; they need us to sit with them in it. What matters most is your presence, your patience, and your willingness to walk through grief together.

This September, as the seasons change, may we remember that grief also changes over time. It may feel heavy and endless in the beginning, but slowly, the heart finds ways to carry both love and loss together. Healing does not mean forgetting. It means learning how to hold memories close while still moving forward.

You don’t need perfect words or flawless answers. What your children need most is you, present, honest, and willing to feel alongside them.