Finding Peace in Split Holidays

By Katlyn Gotschall, MS, LCPC

December often brings thoughts of togetherness, tradition, and family gatherings. But for many families, the holidays are also a reminder of schedules, transitions, shared parenting, and complicated emotions. Whether you are navigating a divorce, blending families, dividing time between in-laws, or preparing to spend a holiday alone, this season can bring both joy and heaviness.

Many parents feel pressure to create picture-perfect holidays for their children, even when life circumstances look different from what they imagined. Others feel stretched thin trying to meet expectations from multiple sides of the family. And some feel the emotional weight of celebrating without their children for the first time. If this December looks different for you, you are not alone.

Families come in many shapes, and holidays do too. This article is meant to bring comfort, guidance, and perspective to anyone navigating the emotional complexity of split holiday seasons.

The Myth of the Perfect Holiday

There is a powerful cultural message that holidays must be warm, happy, and spent with everyone we love in the same room. But for many families, this simply is not reality.

Split households, remarriages, co-parenting schedules, distance, work, illness, strained relationships, and grief can all shape the way families spend their holidays. Sometimes children spend part of the day with one parent and the rest with another. Sometimes they celebrate early or celebrate twice. Sometimes they miss grandparents or cousins. Sometimes parents sit in a quiet house missing the noise and energy that children bring.

There is no such thing as a perfect holiday. There is only the holiday that works for your family. Your traditions may look different, but that does not make them less meaningful.

Supporting Children in Split Holiday Arrangements

Holidays can be exciting for children, but also emotional. Switching houses, adjusting to different traditions, or saying goodbye to one parent on a special day can feel confusing or overwhelming.

Children benefit when parents name their feelings and create space for them to be honest. You might say, “I know it is hard to leave when you are having fun here,” or “It is okay to feel sad about leaving Mommy’s house for Daddy’s house.”

Children should not feel responsible for making either parent happy. When parents offer reassurance, it helps the child feel safe, even during transitions. Simple statements like, “You will have a great time, and I will be okay while you are gone,” remove pressure from the child.

Children also do well when routines stay familiar. Even small traditions like opening one gift in the morning, baking a favorite treat, watching a holiday movie, or lighting a candle can help them feel grounded.

When You and Your Ex-Partner Do Not Agree

Holiday schedules can be emotional for co-parents. Old wounds, differences in routines, and conflicting expectations can make communication difficult. While you cannot control how your former partner communicates, you can control your part.

Approach conversations with calmness and clarity. Focus on solutions that support the child’s experience rather than revenge, fairness, or keeping score. Many parents find it helpful to ask themselves, “What does my child need most?” rather than “What do I want most?”

Even when communication is strained, children benefit from seeing peaceful hand-offs,
respectful interactions, or quiet cooperation. It sends the message that they are safe
with both parents.

Navigating In-Laws and Extended Family Expectations

Many parents also feel pressure from extended family. You may be expected to attend gatherings at your in-laws, at your own parents’ home, and still create a celebration for your immediate family. This can create a sense of obligation that steals joy from the season.

It is okay to set boundaries with love. You might say, “We appreciate the invitation, but we cannot be at two houses in one day. Let’s choose a different time to celebrate together.”

It is also okay to choose what works best for the mental and emotional health of your household. Families often discover that simplifying the holidays leads to more meaningful connection and less stress.

When This Holiday Is Your First One Alone

One of the hardest experiences for parents in split families is spending a holiday without their children. The silence can feel heavy. Social media can make the loneliness deeper. This season can stir sadness, anger, grief, or even guilt.

Your feelings are valid. It is okay to hurt. It is okay to take time to cry, rest, or distract yourself. It is also okay to create new traditions that bring you comfort.

Some parents choose to spend time with friends. Others cook their favorite meal, take a long walk, watch movies, or journal. Some choose to celebrate the holiday on a different day when their children return. There is no wrong way to handle a quiet house on a special day.

What matters most is giving yourself permission to feel what you feel and remembering that one holiday does not define your relationship with your child. Your bond is built on consistency, love, and presence, not a date on the calendar.

Creating New Traditions That Work for Your Family

Split families often find that the traditional holiday script no longer fits their reality. This can feel painful at first, but it also brings opportunity. You can create new traditions that reflect who you are now.

You might choose to celebrate early or late. You might spend a day crafting, baking, or doing something active. You might start traditions like matching pajamas, gratitude letters, hot cocoa nights, or making homemade decorations.

Traditions are about connection, not timing. What matters most is how your children feel when they are with you.

Letting Go of Comparison

Comparison can steal joy quickly in December. It is easy to look at social media and believe everyone else has a perfect, unified holiday. Those images rarely represent reality. It is okay if your holiday looks different. It is okay if your family structure does not match what others expect.

You are allowed to celebrate in the way that works best for you. You are allowed to choose calm over chaos. You are allowed to protect your peace, even if others do not understand.

Every family’s story is unique. There is strength in embracing your own path.

Supporting Your Own Emotional Health

Parents often put their own emotions aside during the holidays. But you deserve support too. Your mental health directly impacts your ability to show up for your children.

Take time to check in with yourself and ask what you need. You may need rest, connection, space, or support from a friend. You may need a comforting routine or a break from obligations. You may need to say no to something that drains you.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish. It models emotional regulation and resilience for
your children. You are showing them how to honor feelings, create boundaries, and
seek balance.

Final Thoughts

December does not look the same for every family. Some experience togetherness. Some experience transition. Some experience grief. Some experience quiet. But each version of the holiday can hold meaning.

What matters most is not the schedule or the number of celebrations, but the love and presence you offer your children. Even in split families, even across homes, even with different traditions, children can feel deeply connected, supported, and loved.

You do not need to create perfect holidays. You only need to create honest ones. Ones filled with care, presence, and understanding.

However your holiday looks this year, I hope you find moments of peace, warmth, and connection. And I hope you remember that your family, exactly as it is today, is worthy of joy.